Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
