were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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