Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
