i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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