I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize