I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
