You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
