I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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