is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
