I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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