Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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