I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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