Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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