The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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