Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
