My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
