i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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