I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?