I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
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after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
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I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.