And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.