Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy