When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES