It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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