We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
