your parents love me but you hate me
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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