I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
