I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
