the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
