why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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