just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
