that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just found puke in my bra..
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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