they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
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When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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