Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
