She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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