eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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