Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
