Umm I'm too high to move.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize