Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
