Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
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giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
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well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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