WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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