GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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