When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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