Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
