I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
