Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
