i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
