I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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