is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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