it was like eating out sand paper
it glows. i had to have it.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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