3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
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