Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
