Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
