did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
