I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
