Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
did i just pee glitter
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
