ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
