It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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