Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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