He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
