i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
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It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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