so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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