i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
