I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
