There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize