Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
