Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
