I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
