Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
