Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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