it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
