i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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