I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
