Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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