coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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