He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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