Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
